A year in review

So, I disappeared again--but where to?

I was in the ER, twice, in the month of December. Same stuff, different day. It's frustrating, to be this sick--to feel OK one minute, and the next have your blood sugar crash, be in the bathroom for hours and ultimately decide you need a doctor, and you need a doctor now.

The first ER trip was in Des Moines--without my family. I'm lucky that one of my musketeers was close by and willing to give me a hand and drive me to the ER and stay with me...for 3.5 hours while I was re-hydrated and medicated. Allison, I truly can never thank you enough for your love and support.

That night, Ben was working a few hours away. Others were busy or not responding--and I was backed into a corner. I got to the point where I was ready to beg people to take me and I hate asking for help. That night, I was reminded that my health doesn't wait. That sounds obvious, but it's true. My health waits no one--not me, not my family--and that's, quite frankly, really scary.

I laid on my floor, my blood sugar so low that I'm not entirely sure how I remained conscious, texting everyone I could think of in the area--asking if they were busy, to begin with--just hoping that someone could, and would, help me. In that moment, I felt like the only ant in a world of 7 billion humans--very small and very alone. Many people ended up texting me back throughout the night, freeing their schedules, offering to switch out with Allison if I had to stay longer in the ER, ready to take me back at a moment's notice...I have amazing friends and a family that was worried about me...but they don't understand what I'm going through.

The second ER trip, I was home for Christmas. It was the 23rd, and I had had a migraine all day. My stomach was kind of upset, but I forced myself to sit down and eat dinner with my family...well, that proved to be a bad idea. Less than 20 minutes, I was back in the bathroom, sicker than I was with the first round. My sugar plummeted again, but I tried to be strong and just work through it. I ended up texting my mom (who was in the basement, but I didn't want to risk my siblings hearing me) for help--and within a half hour of that, my dad was warming the car up to take me back to the hospital. This time, I had a fever with everything else...

I'm fighting an endless battle...with myself.

I'm going to talk to my primary doctor who's been with me through my health journey since the beginning and see what she thinks about sending me to Mayo Clinic for a full workup. I've reached my breaking point before, more than once, but my family is getting fed up with me being sick all of the time...they've been so patient, but when you have one family member constantly asking you "when are you just going to give in and go to Mayo" and that same family member openly admits to getting "annoyed" with you sometimes when you're sick...it's time. It's beyond time.

So, here's to 2013, a new year.

Here's to hoping we all find better health and a voice for our stories.

Here's to promising that we all begin to live again.