Thank you, through gritted teeth and more tears

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice." 

Assignment: Today, say "thank you" every chance you get. Notice how that feels.

Today, I had two of the six cavities filled. Thank you doctor, for doing two instead of just one and making things a little easier in my life. Thank you, OBGYN for calling me back with my test results...that were normal...and for telling me that there wasn't much more they could do.

The sarcasm aside, there are two things I obsessively say--I'm sorry and thank you. That's not a joke--people compliment my parents for how much "us kids" thank the waiters for every single thing they do for us.

Today, I was also noticing how much people thank me. How much people need me in their lives and how much they rely on me for strength--when I don't feel strong, when I think I'm struggling, I get a phone call from a best friend crying and knowing that she can fall back on me. Thanking me for being there. Thanking me for not judging. Thanking me for being a friend.

And I had a weak moment. I talked to my dad today in a moment of frustration, in a moment when I think that I can't do this anymore--when the doctors are at the ed of their ropes, I think I am too. And all my dad said to me was, "Just keep repeating to yourself, "Daddy loves me and believes in me. I can do this."

So to my family, thank you. To my sister, who allowed me to nap today and heal and help the pain pass, thank you. For getting dinner started and not allowing me to help because it would have probably been too much, thank you. For always making me laugh, thank you. To my mom, even when we don't agree on treatment plans, thank you for always supporting me. Thank you for your unconditional love and giving me hugs and letting me have the dogs on the bed lately for extra cuddles when I know you don't want them on the bed. Thank you, Daddy for always letting me be your little girl. For letting me cry, scream, cuss and laugh at the most absurd and random times and for always listening to me. And to my brother, who so eloquently will make comments that "that sucks" or "you should probably stop doing that," your ability to be blunt and ridiculous at the same time keeps me a weird sane. I love you guys more than you know.

I'm sorry to my friends, and to my family, that I don't thank you more often. It's because of you, ultimately, that I get through most of my days. Amanda, Ben, Pat, Sylvia, Ashley, Tori, Casey, Michael, Allison, Hannah, Emily, Doug, Andrea, Emily....I could go on and on--but thank you. Thank you for always answering me when I call you at the strangest times. For when I randomly text you when I'm upset. For listening to me when I cry. For taking me to the emergency room when I need it. Thank you all, for being you, and thank you for being in my life. You all have helped shape me into the person that I am today, and for that, I will be eternally grateful.